


Can't imagine anything we've missed

by ambiguously



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-01-13 00:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18458210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguously/pseuds/ambiguously
Summary: From the day Jacen arrives to the day he walks away, it's a struggle, but worth it.





	Can't imagine anything we've missed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [akingnotaprincess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/akingnotaprincess/gifts).



He knew before she did. Not about the baby; they'd both been shocked when the medical droid had casually given Hera the diagnosis of what was causing her fatigue. The fatigue went away, replaced by other issues. Interspecies pregnancies were always tricky, said their hurried research, and Hera had neither the interest nor the temperament to slow down or rest.

"What kind of chance will he have unless we make the galaxy safe for him?" she'd asked. Most parents-to-be only worried about baby-proofing the deck plates and adding child locks to the cockpit door. Most didn't spend sleepless nights wondering if the Empire would put a price on their child's head the day the news got out that Hera was expecting.

"We could go," he'd said one bad night, hopelessly, lost in the heartache of a terrible day. "I know where Ahsoka set up Alora and Pipey and their families."

"I'm not running away." She'd rolled away from him in the bunk, a difficult maneuver for her as her body changed. "I won't stop you from going."

There'd never been a question that he'd leave without her. He'd known and accepted years ago that his place was by her side. And she was right. If this Rebellion failed, hiding wouldn't save any of them, not for long. Hera would keep fighting to her last breath, would take every chance she could, all to see the cause succeed, and Kanan would be there with her.

Which brought them to this battle, tussling with Imperials and struggling to reach a team that had gone rogue to infiltrate an Imperial library planet. Hera was busy dodging laser blasts. Zeb was working out some of his anger issues in the nose gun chair. Kanan was reaching out with his extra senses to seek out the location of where Andor had taken his damnfool team. His mind stretched out beyond him, cascading through thousands of minds in the ships surrounding them as Hera took them through stomach-churning swoops.

Not his stomach. A different pain. He knew the minds on their own ship as bright points of sparkling personalities, including the sleeping, unfocused mind still forming. Which was suddenly, rudely awake and uncomfortable and frightened.

He turned to Hera, wishing for the millionth time he could see her face. "How're you feeling?"

"Not the time, dear." The stress in her voice could have multiple sources, and if it didn't, it was about to.

"I'm only saying, now might be a good time to turn over the controls of the ship."

"We are in the middle of...." She broke off with a gasp. "You have got to be kidding me." A blast from outside shook them. "I don't have time for this right now." He felt the ship veer sharply, and heard the fire from her front blasters as another wave of sympathetic pain moved through him.

Kanan hit the comm. "Sabine! Get down here!"

"Kinda busy!"

"Stay in position," Hera said. "Keep those TIEs off our back." In a lower voice, she asked, "Can you calm him down? Tell him it's not time yet?"

A number of replies jumped to his lips, the foremost being that this had nothing to do with what the baby wanted and everything to do with a hormone trigger inside Hera. He doubted he could do much about that, either, but he placed his hand against her back, well away from her arms which were occupied with keeping them alive. He willed as much calm as he could muster into her, hoping to steady out the signals rushing through her body.

He ignored the fleet chatter: the report that the plans had been transmitted, the arrival of some huge space station on the horizon. A shudder passed through him as more kyber than he'd ever dreamed of emitted a light he could not see, and still he kept to his task.

Only when he felt the hyperspace jump did he breathe a sigh of relief.

Babies took time, especially first babies. They made it back to the base and into Medical. The wounded from the battle took up most of the beds and all the attention from the human doctors and med droids. Hera's rank earned her a private room, which had ankle-knocking traps everywhere, and a hurriedly rolled in collapsable bed.

"It's a storage room," she told him. "You sit. I need to walk through this." Between spasms, she tried and failed to get updates from Command: where was Antilles' ship and the plans they'd paid so dearly to steal? He wouldn't dream of telling her that she had other things to worry about at the moment. Instead Kanan spent his time reaching out with his powers, seeking out her pain centers and dampening what he could. She'd chosen to forgo anesthetics; mixed-species infants were rare and the medications they had in supply might be deadly.

Outside the storage room, Kanan could feel the continuing buzz from the other minds on the base. The wounded had been treated and slept, or were comatose in bacta. The pilots and ground crew hummed with their own duties. Above all, he felt the oppressive worry, and after several hours, an abiding sorrow, distant souls crying out at once and lost.

"What is it?" Hera asked, resting between contractions.

"I don't know," he said. "I'm sure we'll find out soon."

He didn't spend time worrying about it, and soon, Hera's attention was also entirely focused on the present. Her primary attending doctor was a droid with a droll personality program. "How are we feeling?" it asked chirpily each time it rolled into the room. "You're progressing well," it would say after each examination.

Except the last one. "You are not dilated sufficiently. Your fetus is too large to pass. He is going into distress."

She squeezed his hand in sudden fear. Humans and Twi'leks developed at different rates. This had been one possibility they'd discussed with the doctors before.

"All right," she said, "just get him out quickly."

Not a minute later, Hera was unconscious. Kanan could hear the high-pitched whine of the laser scalpel, his imagination filling in the worst as he held her limp hand, refusing to let go. Another doctor, a human, came in to assist. The baby started to cry as soon as he hit air, deeply upset at the day's changes.

"Here," the doctor said, handing Kanan a wriggling bundle. The baby calmed in his arms. "We can take his measurements after we've finished."

"How is she?" 

"General Syndulla will be fine. The surgeon is already closing, and her readings are normal. You may want to take him outside. Your family is waiting."

He hadn't sensed them nearby, so caught up in what was happening in here. "How long have they been out there?"

"Go on," the doctor said, and he heard the tired smile in her voice. "We'll keep the General under for a few minutes to let the bacta work on her incision."

Kanan curled the baby closer so he could bend down and kiss Hera's sleeping forehead. "Back soon." He found the door, and as soon as he stepped through, the wall of worry and excitement hit him.

"How's Hera?" Sabine demanded, coming close.

"Sleeping. The doctors say she'll be okay."

Zeb slapped him on the back, though gently. "Look at that. You two made a person."

"So we did." Relief hit him as he realized the worst was over, for now. There might be a giant death laser in the sky, but that was tomorrow's problem. "We'll have to get a message through to Ezra and tell him."

The door opened behind him. "General Syndulla is awake and demanding to see you."

Kanan grinned. He told the baby, told his son, "First thing you're going to learn, kid. Mom's in charge."

They went back in, crowding into the small room. He sensed Hera awake and sitting up. "You left?"

"I was introducing the rest of the team to the newest member of the crew." He handed the bundle to her, and felt the wave of emotions from her, chief among them disbelief. "Hey," he said, stroking her shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"Really tired."

Sabine said, "You've been busy for ten hours. It's no wonder you're tired."

There was more, but he'd learned a long time ago not to push. Hera didn't like talking about feelings. For the moment, she focused on the child in her arms, stroking his face, and a sudden quiet grief crept into his heart as he finally knew what was missing.

"So," he said, sweeping all the bitterness he could out of his voice. "What's he look like?"

Surprise cascaded through the others, followed up by a more muted form of the same sorrow. Zeb said, "Scrunchy. He looks mad."

"He is mad," Kanan said. "He's had a big day."

Hera said, "He's pink, lighter than my father. No lekku, just like the scans said. I think he's going to have hair." He felt her turn to look up where he stood. "He looks a lot like you."

"He does," Sabine said with a laugh. "Poor kid."

"Hey," Kanan said. He placed a hand on Hera's shoulder, reassuring himself that she was alive and well and going to be fine. He placed the other on their son's head. "Welcome to the galaxy, kid."

* * *

Kanan took the midnight feedings, and most of the daytime feedings, too. He'd thought they'd spent a lot of time raising Sabine and then Ezra, but Jacen needed someone's full attention every waking minute. Hera's workload seemed to double every couple of months, which meant more of the child care fell on him. He didn't mind at all. Every Jedi had a place, and every one had a special gift waiting to be unlocked. The Masters had repeated that lesson to all the younglings. Some would be warriors. Some would be brilliant researchers. Little Caleb had dreamed of going out into the galaxy and fighting, not joining the nanny droids in the nursery caring for the newest children to be brought to the Temple, but as he tucked Jacen into his sleeper, he couldn't imagine where he belonged more.

"I feel terrible," Hera said, coming in late after another midnight planning session with the Council. "You shouldn't have to do all of this alone."

"I'm not. I take him out for a walk every day to show him the base and talk to people. And it's not like you're halfway across the galaxy from me." He felt a sudden jerk in her emotions. "Hera?"

"I haven't told them yes."

"Come on," he said, and gestured to their cabin. He missed having his own room sometimes, but he liked having two closed doors between them and the baby when he was down for a nap. "Tell me."

"I told you we've established a base specifically for flight training. I've been asked to take a rotation to go show these kids how to fly."

He thought quickly. "Simple. We'll take the _Ghost_. We can all go."

"I'd be much happier knowing the rest of you were safe back here, not waiting for the first scared kid to plow into the hangar and take out half the ships." She sighed. "But I'd also be happier not being away from you for a month."

"But you're taking the position."

"Like I said, I haven't given them an answer."

"I know. But I know you. You're the best teacher the new pilots could have, and you never let something like your own happiness get in the way of doing your job. You've already decided to say yes, you just haven't told yourself that yet."

She didn't answer him. She got ready for bed, and he followed suit. With the lights out, and the space between them warming with their bodies, she said, "A lot can happen in a month."

"Yeah, and I expect you to come back with plenty of stories." He kissed her. "We'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

He took her hand and held it against his chest over his beating heart. " _We_ will be fine."

* * *

It took two months. He sensed her ship approaching as soon as it exited hyperspace. To his delight and concern, Jacen turned his head up to the sky at the same time, and made the bubbly, uneven noise Kanan was almost sure meant "Mom."

"You have got to learn to talk soon, little guy."

He picked him up, and Jacen made the noise that Kanan kind of hoped was a stab at "Dad."

Hera arrived and was whisked off to debriefing even before she had a chance to say hello. As soon as she made it onto the ship, Jacen started to fuss, and wanted cuddles from his mother.

"I think he missed you," Kanan said.

"I think I missed him more." Her voice was heavy. "How has my good boy been?" She hugged the baby again. "Is it my imagination or is he bigger?"

"Two more teeth and one more kilo." He touched her arm. Hera's presence lit up the room, but contact was more reassuring. "I hear the pink bow was very fetching."

She said to Jacen, "Your dad thinks he's hilarious. Your dad is mistaken."

Between Jacen and the rest of the team dropping by to say hello, they weren't alone for hours. At last, Zeb was in his cabin, and Jacen was asleep in his. Hera waited for the door to slide shut before grabbing Kanan by the collar and pushing him onto the bunk.

"I have really missed you," she said. "I'm never going away like that again."

"Hear me argue," he replied, and he pulled her to him.

* * *

Hera picked up Jacen and gave him a kiss. Then she sniffed. "Did Dad feed you cookies for breakfast again?"

Kanan didn't even look over as Jacen started to giggle.

"You know better than this," she said. "They're bad for his teeth."

"That's only if we do it every day." He pulled her closer for a kiss, and felt her amusement.

"You both had cookies for breakfast?"

"Now they're all gone, and he can eat something more nutritious tomorrow morning."

* * *

"Tell me about the colors," Kanan said, as he held Jacen up to watch.

Boom. Boom. "Red! Yellow!" There was another boom, and Jacen said, "Blue n' white together!"

Fireworks had become a tradition for the Rebels on the anniversary of the battle of Yavin IV.

Boom. "Red!" Boom. "Green!"

Hera leaned over. "How long are we going to tell him they're doing this for his birthday?"

Kanan said, "As long as we can."

Boom. "Yellow!"

* * *

"You should take him and go."

It had been another terrible day in a series without end of terrible days. The Rebellion had been chased, and split, and cut to the bone. They clung here in this cold icicle of a base, afraid of the beasts that made the caves their own home, and afraid of venturing into the galaxy to run into the teeth of the Empire again.

Hera didn't wait for him to say anything before pressing on. "You told me once you knew where Ahsoka hid the other Force-sensitive children. You could teach the three of them. I'd come find you as soon as the war ends."

He leaned back. "I'm not going. And you and I have both been fighting wars since we were kids. I don't expect this one to end anytime soon."

"You'd be safer," she said. "Promise me you'll think about it."

"I thought about it. We said no more separations."

"That was before we lost a third of the fleet."

He took her hand. "I'm staying. I am staying with you until you get fed up with me and kick me off the ship. I figure if I stick around long enough, one of these days you'll decide we should get married after all."

"Do not hold your breath," she said. He felt the tension eased out of her. It had been a bad day, but they'd survived.

* * *

Despite his predictions, and despite his fears, this war ended long before his son was old enough to shave.

"But what does it mean?" Jacen kept asking.

Hera said patiently, "It means the Empire is gone. No more fighting."

"Okay," he said, and went back to his toys, playing quietly on the deck at the rear of the cockpit. Kanan counted under his breath. When he got to thirty, Jacen said, "But what does that mean?"

Kanan said, "It means we can go anywhere we want. We can live anywhere we want to."

"Okay."

Hera said, "About that."

He sighed. They'd had this conversation for months, ever since Endor. "You already know what I think."

"He should go to school. He should be around other kids. I get that."

"But you don't settle down well," he said, ticking off on his fingers. "We can't live on Ryloth." He didn't say why out loud. They never did when Jacen was in the room. "I really don't want to go back to Coruscant. We could try living on Lothal, but...."

"…. but when Ezra said it would be fine, we both knew he meant he'd feel weird and crowded with us there even if we were on the other side of the planet."

"Yeah."

She said, "Which is the same reason we're not going to live with Sabine. The first two kids are out on their own. They don't need us breathing down their necks."

Jacen said, "But what does it mean? What now?"

"Now," Kanan said, "your mom is out of a job, and we need to move somewhere."

"Okay. Why can't we stay on the _Ghost_?"

"We can," Hera said. "But you should be around other kids."

"Okay." Kanan restarted his count. "Why do I have to be around other kids?"

Hera said, "Because it's good for you."

"I could have a little brother. Then I'd be around another kid."

"No," they said at the same time.

"Okay."

* * *

Astera featured a mild climate, easy access to two major hyperspace lanes, and a settlement with two young Force sensitives already in residence. Jacen ran to keep up with them, learning Ithorian in a week to chatter happily with Pipey and Oora, easily picking up the games Alora and the other human children played. He was the youngest in their group, but made up for it by being the kid who laughed the loudest.

Hera kept in touch with her friends from the Rebellion, often communicating with them or running short missions as favors. Leia's little boy was thriving with his doting family. Given time, he might join them. Four kids weren't enough to restart a whole Jedi Order, and Kanan was hardly the person to teach them, not the way he'd taught Ezra. He settled for starting with the way he'd taught Luke on the rare occasions the kid had come by.

"I can show you how to control your powers," he said to the three children, sitting with them in a pleasant splash of sunlight that warmed his face. "We'll practice a little every day."

He knew they wouldn't stay forever. The sky was always calling Hera. She couldn't stay away for long, and when she went, Kanan knew he'd always go with her, no matter what.

* * *

Jacen was as tall as he was, and trying to be reassuring. "I'll send messages at least once a week."

Hera said, "If you ever decide you want to leave, just call and we can be there in a couple of days."

"I know," he said. "This will be fine. I've known Luke my whole life. He's great. And Dad can't teach me anything he hasn't already. I've got to learn from someone who isn't part of my family."

"Ben isn't," Hera said.

He felt Jacen shrug. "Between you and me, I don't think Ben can learn from anybody."

"If you need anything," Kanan said, but Jacen cut him off.

"I'll contact you. I swear." He hugged his mom first, and Kanan felt her worry and the same little grief she'd felt when Ezra had first told them he was staying on Lothal permanently. Jacen hugged him next. "Love you, Dad," he said. "I love you both. Don't worry. Everything is going to be fine."

After he was gone, Kanan sat a little more heavily than usual in his chair.

"He'll be fine," Hera said. "You've taught him so much already, and he's good at keeping Ben in line. This will work out for everyone. And we finally have all the kids out on their own."

"Yeah," he said. "Any ideas for what we do now?"

"I was thinking about a honeymoon. We never got one, with one thing or another."

"You usually have those after you get married. We never got around to that, as you'll recall."

He heard the warmth in her voice as she said, "I don't have any better plans for the rest of the day. You?"

The smile jumped on his face. "Seriously?"

"If you're interested. If not, that's fine...." She was cut off in mid-sentence as he kissed her.


End file.
